Saturday, June 18, 2011

Maybe you are a Gremlin?

I cannot understand for the life of me why kids don't wanna bathe.  I think it feels nice to be clean..refreshing even.  I can't imagine getting into bed after being all sweaty and nasty.  I cannot imagine going to school smelling of yesterdays filth.  I feel blessed that my parents taught me good hygiene.  Mom, dad, thank you...thank you for showing me the importance of a bar of soap.
Getting children to shower after they are over the age of 7 is work! Hard work, work that NEEDS TO BE DONE.  I went as far as googling " skin infections" and showing them to my 7 year old son.  Needless to say he got right in the tub after looking in disgust at the photos.  (Yep, it works for oral hygiene too..google away)  That problem was nipped right in the bud.
Maybe I am wrong, maybe these kids have seen Gremlins and they fear that they shall multiply if one droplet of water touches their fair delicate skin....umm no never-mind because I know they would not give a second thought to snacking after midnight...
I just don't get it..what has happened?  What happened to playing outside until the streetlight came on ( and then begging for 5 more minutes to play flashlight tag)  then hopping into the tub (bubbles preferred) and getting squeaky clean..I can smell the strawberry shortcake shampoo right now..ahhhhh....
Not anymore..and yea the going outside part has been taken over by overuse of electronics  I understand that, I don't like it but I get it....but the bathing part..explain that one to me.
I have smelled some nasty kids.. They come in quite a few ripe fragrances..sweat..B O..pee, onion, soup and my favorite, "trash".  Now,
the parents say "They won't bathe"  I say.."They are yours..you have the right to throw them kicking and screaming into the tub!!.  Get with the program moms and dads..be in charge.  That (just may be) the problem.  I am not gonna lie, it is very hard to make your kids do what you want them to do..but do it damn it or don't have them!!   I remember my mother yelling "When you have your kids YOU can tell them what to do, until then you do what I say!!"  Now is your chance..TAKE CHARGE!!  There are enough messed up people in the world..lets not make more!! (Not to mention ..these smelly kids are going to be in charge of US someday! Do you really want your Dr or Nurse to be smelly??)
Show these kids how to use soap.  Teach them to keep clean.  That's what you are there for..to guide them....I wonder.......could they be doing this on purpose just to get you to pay attention to them for a minute..now that I look back to my childhood at the kids who were smelly..they had parents who gave them EVERYTHING....everything except a moment of their time :(

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I am just gonna do what I wanna do.

I have decided that from now on I am just going to do what I want to do.  This does not mean I will go buck wild or anything like that..No.  No worries, you will not be bailing me out of jail anytime soon.  Maybe.
Life is short.I already knew this, but someone somewhere keeps pounding that into my head by making stupid things happen.  Life is way to short to worry about things that you have no control over.  I see it this way, if you sit and worry about the sky turning pink and dragons flying out of the clouds killing tens of thousands..and it ACTUALLY happens..what could you have done to prevent it? Not a damn thing.  So why burden yourself with such pain and misery day after day worrying about it?  Not I.  Not anymore.  There is so much good and beauty in this world, so many humorous things to pass the time..all you need to do is look for them.

I am so freakin sick and tired of people complaining about every single detail in their life..Know what..be happy you have a life.  It is going to be over before you know it.
The only thing I feel we need to do in this world, the only thing we NEED to worry about is how to be a good decent person.  I believe that all these fruitcakes who worry about everything forget about this and just worry about themselves.  Go to church if you want to, don't push your beliefs onto others though, you gotta do what you wanna do.  Be straight, be gay, don't push it on me..be rich be poor, be sad be happy do what YOU want, don't tell others what they NEED to do.  That is not being a good decent person, that is called being a pain in the ass.

Yesterday my mother informed me that a very close family friend has passed on.  At first I felt very selfish, "oh no," I said "That is too bad"..she went on to explain to me that she was 82, very sick and her husband had been waiting for her for a long time.  Wow, what an ass I was.  She was home.  She was finally at peace, no more pain, suffering and she was with her beloved..That is happy.  A good decent person would understand that.  A selfish jerk would not.
I am so tired of being a selfish jerk.  I  am, from now on, going to live my life, be happy and be thankful for what I do have, I am not going to worry about things I have no control over, and I am not going to tell others how to live their lives..
I think you need to do the same.
oops.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hi My name is Danielle and I am an addict.

Well, I just got off the phone with AT&T.  After 20 minutes I have convinced the kind fella that I deserve the promotional pricing for my internet. He informed me that I would need to switch to UVERSE TV to get it.  "How can I do that?" I asked, "I just got Directv to give me free MLB extra innings??  I neeeeed my baseball." He agreed and laughed as we caught up on the Red Sox.  That Dan, what a card he was.  Savings? 23.00.
This is the 5th time this week I have spoken with the fine customer service  reps over at AT&T.  This week I have convinced them that I defiantly deserve over 200 dollars in credits.  After the month I have had, I think that I do. 
We chit chat about the weather, sports, birthdays..you name it.  I have them laughing so hard by the end of the talk sometimes they give me 2 extra credits..5 dollars off here 5 off there.

The kind men and women have offered me to many free promotions I don't know what to do with myself..I am getting a free Blue teeth.  What the hell is that?

I believe I have logged over 6 hours in AT&T talk time this week.  Every time Jeremy enters the room and says "Who are you talking to?"  I just know that he knows who is on the other line.  (I think he is jealous)   I have written over 15 emails to the big wigs over there to let them know how special Jane and John Doe really are.  That = credit.

You gotta make sure you leave them beaming.  I make sure that I tell them how much they brightened my day and that I would like to have their ID number so I can write to AT&T and tell them how blessed they are to have such a fine employee.  This is the stunner.  Apparently AT&T offers its employees incentives when they get these letter..so I actually really do write them.   Why not? 
After all, we live in a place where people love to piss and moan about everything..it is pretty cool to hear the good stuff.  In other words..Don't be a DB.
The love when you tell them you are upset, but not at them, they didn't it, and you are ever so thankful that they have fixed it for you.  Thankful like they just gave you a kidney.  This makes them happy, and who doesn't like to be happy at work?!

I blame this all on my father.  I think it is genetic this addiction.  I am getting pretty good at it, but not like him.  He is the MASTER, I am only the lowly grasshopper.  With time I will get better..with practice comes perfection...on that note, I must go...I feel like Directv would love to give me another promotion right about now....

I'm a soul man.

Today is the 9th day of the month of June.  Today, about 29 years ago my mom and dad gav me a gift.  I did not want this gift, I am pretty sure I requested that
A) it be in the color green
B) It would not crap.
C) It would always do what I told it to do.

It did none of these things.  It cried and pooped it was not green and it did not listen!! (come to find out it had hearing problems..oops)  It's name was Nicole, and it was a pain in my ass!  It got all the attention and it bit.
  I had to deal with this "gift " every day.  I wanted it to go back to the planet that it emerged from.  The planet of not green babies.
As the years dragged on I had to deal with her on a day to day basis.  I am pretty sure that it was not until the year 2000 that I actually admitted to myself just how much I loved my "gift".

Then it finally went away.


So, as I have learned, when you finally let your heart open up and let things in..they go away.  Sad but true.
Not really.


My sister is pretty OK.  She got all the looks in the family, and she got all the bum.  I have no bum.  God took it away from me before I was born so he could save it all up for my sister.  Thanks.

My sister is pretty strong, I think she learned that from me.  No, not really, she is just strong on her own, I am not too sure if she knows it though.  Maybe it is a secret that only I can see.

My sister is pretty smart, she would have to be, she works at a bank, hell, if I worked there people would freakin love it because I can't count..when I see numbers all I really see is %^$#..ride bikes??

My sister is a good wife and mom.  I like her kids, they are well behaved and they look just like me.  Well, when I have a tan.

There are a lot of good things about her, I can't write them all because you would get bored.  I can't bore my readers.

I don't like that she lives far away.  I do like that I can say "Hell yes I would babysit if I lived closer" Even when I am telling a fib.  Which is never because I do not lie.
I guess what I am saying is..I am lucky.  I am so thankful I got stuck with her.
However, I do feel really bad that even though I am older..I look much younger than her.  Sorry Nik.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Giving it a whirl

What can I say..I have a lot to say actually, yet lately I haven't been saying anything.  Confused? Good, read on..

  I am 31, I have been married for almost 9 years to a handsome sailor, I am a mom, and I am me.  I am a spunky lil brat who likes to get her way and loves to help anyone I can.
I am very opinionated, and I love a good argument..hell, I am outstanding at pretending I know what I am talking about.
I love "great ideas"  like extreme coupon and things like that, but I lose interest in them in about 45 seconds..Let's go ride bike?
I have had so many jobs in my life I can't even remember half of them.  The only job I have ever even considered keeping is this mom job.  I guess it is my thing.  Keep your kids though, I am not too crazy about other peoples little hell raisers.  (aka  I don't babysit)
I talk alot, I just have so much to say, so much to say about nothing at all.  I am an awesome listener though, and I feel like I give really good advice..if I am wrong..well, sorry :\
I have severe separation anxiety when it comes to my kids.  I like them home with me, and I like to be able to see them when they are outside..This could come from losing my 5 month old son in 2007. 
Sometimes I can talk about it, sometimes not.  Today I don't want to, but I will say that I hate pity and I hate when people feel sorry for me. So don't.
I have a very good sense of humor.  That is my motor, that is what keeps me going. I like to make people laugh.  Laughter and breathing are my 2 favorite sounds in the world.
Crappy things like to happen to me and my family "making us stronger" but I think that is crap.  Its not fair, life seldom is.  So I will get a helmet.
I really enjoy writing, I always said I was going to write a book, but then...where did my bike go now???
I am going to try this time to keep up with this, so if you would like to read about my trials and tribulations..my advice, my rants and my stories..stay on board..if not...hit the bricks.